Monday, August 31, 2009

my heart hurts. and i'm tired.

i knew it. but i didn't want to be right.
i'm angry. i'm dissapointed. i'm overwhelmed.
but mostly, i'm just sad.
i wish there was something i could do. i wish there was a quick fix...and that i could figure it out.
but i know that it's in God's hands. and who am i to think that my plan could be better?
i just wish it didn't hurt so bad.

Love, krystal.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

back to school

i have a huge tendency to complain. it's something i've struggled with for most of my life: just ask my mom and dad.
and most of the time, i don't mean anything by it. sometimes, i just don't know what else to say, or maybe i want to start a conversation and our common dislike of a situation seems the easiest option.
as school begins again, our schedules change, our priorities realign, our conversations shift. and as i sat in class and listened and participated in the usual conversations, i realized that it's all we ever do. we're upset at something we've been assigned; annoyed at the busy schedule; aware of a teacher's incompetence; or just plain tired. "did you hear what dr. so and so said?" "can you believe we have to buy that book?" "don't you hate so and so and the way she always has a question?"
i wonder what jesus has to say about us. how annoyed must he be as he sits among us and is dissapointed in our words over and over again?
besides. why do we do it? don't we just want to validate our own issues and feelings? isn't it really just a really prideful and self-righteous exercise? maybe making fun of the teacher will help me fit in, maybe i can hide the fact that i'm scared i won't be able to do it if i make sure everyone knows that i think the expectations are ridiculous.
we're so vain. we're so prideful and selfish. whatever happened to humility and turning the other cheek? why can't i accept the place God has me in and seek to work as unto Him at all times, without whining about things i can't control?

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..." phil.2:14-16

I really do need to work on that.

Love, krystal

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I-10 adventures

i drive a good amount. during the semester i drive to and from school basically everyday, and i run errands and you know, normal stuff like that. also, twice a semester (at the beginning and the end) i drive from tempe,AZ to lakewood, CA or vice versa: about a 6 hour endeavor.
this last friday i stuck to tradition and drove down here from CA. as i was driving on the I-10 (oh blessed I-10), i found myself constantly surrounded by large trailer trucks. i understand the importance of these trucks, and the sadness that they must feel being away from home and lonely for so long at a time, not even able to drive at a normal 75mph speed, but stuck at their 55-60mph limit. but after having to slow down and throw my cruise control off for the hundredth time just so these trucks could bypass each other and play their little "i'm faster than you" games, i just about lost all of my compassion for them. it was at about this point that i remembered to look on their back doors and catch a glimpse at the phrase "how's my driving?". i then glanced down at the number below the lovely phrase and decided once and for all to let them know how i really felt. here is what happened:

h.m.d.(how's my driving): good morning, this is bob* (*real names have been changed).
me: hi, i wanted to comment on someone's driving.
h.m.d.: yes, that would be me.
me: wait? you're the guy driving a red trailer truck on the I-10 eastbound?
h.m.d.: yep, what's up?
me: well. you just cut me off and made me slow down just so you could beat your little friend in the blue truck...i think that qualifies as bad driving.
h.m.d.: hmmm. i disagree.
me: i'm sorry, i didn't call "how's my driving" to have someone disagree with me...i called to let you know that, well, your driving's horrible and i think you should quit or at least get fired.
h.m.d.: ok. i'll log it in my official comment book.
me: i don't believe you. what kind of system allows their own drivers to record complaints? if you ask me, it's completely illogical.
h.m.d.: thank you maam. i will be sure to let them know.
me: are you kidding me?! can i get your supervisor on th..(click).

or at least, that's what would have happened if i had actually called. all i really did was tailgate him until he got over to the other lane and sped away.

Love, krystal.