Monday, March 30, 2009

i love being an introvert

i went to the theaters today. by myself.
now don't go getting all sad on me...that's the way i planned it.
it was the first time i had ever considered the possibility. all my life i thought the movies were a group activity, that they didn't allow single people in. (not single as in without a significant other, single as in party of one)
but i was wrong.
i got to the theaters and "bought" my ticket. (thanks, j-ra) it was a little nerve-racking, and i admit that that was the most awkward and uncomfortable moment of the night. but it was all downhill from there.
i walk into a practically empty room and go up to my favorite seat of the house: the last row, right in the middle.
i was there only 5 minutes early, but i still had to sit through some of the pre-movie crap. it was strange, just being with myself. but soothing, in a way. just me and my thoughts. which, at the moment, consisted of "ugh, i hate this crap".
at some point, a group of three little girls and their guardian came up to where i was, not having seen me until they were in my row. then they kinda sighed, because i was sitting exactly where they were planning to go. i felt bad for about a second, but then i got over it. you snooze, you lose, right?
the previews came on and i just sat back and enjoyed the show. it was the opposite of work. i knew exactly what i was thinking, and i didn't have to say a word. i laughed when i wanted, stayed silent when i wanted, moved around in my seat when i wanted. it was liberating.
the movie ended and i drove home. on my drive home i remember my mind being as close to blank as it could ever get. i heard the music and saw the traffic, but my thoughts were just chillin'.
i spent about 2 hours today completely alone. and it was great.
but at the same time, it opened my eyes to how much God has blessed my life through friends.
there was a time in my life when it was a miracle that i was not alone. alone was really all i knew and all i expected. where today, a couple of hours by myself seems strange, before, a good time with friends was once in a lifetime.
i don't say this to ask for pity, and i don't think that i deserve it anyway. God put me where i was for a reason, and i can see clearly now that that time in my life was preparing me for the rest of it.
so, to sum it all up, and by "it" i mean my entire life and being, God is good.

Love, krystal.

Monday, March 16, 2009

a horrible end to spring break

i was driving my car home...i turned right onto mill from broadway and quickly moved onto the outside lane. and then the lights. those horrible red, blue, and white lights.
my first thought was that i was in the cops way, but NO. he was after me. poor little me.
so he comes up to my window and really rudely says, "why were you doing that?". in my head i'm like, "what are you talking about?", but he keeps talking, accusing me of changing lanes dangerously and without signaling.
i can tell he probably expected me to be drunk or crazy or rude, but i just told him (really nicely) that i hadn't realized i was driving "unsafely", so he ignored me and asked for my license and registration.
for a moment i hoped he would just give me a warning, but instead he made me wait at least 15 minutes while he stood by his car, filling out paperwork. it took him so long i started to worry that something was wrong with my registration or something. but no...i'm pretty sure he was at a loss of what to ticket me with.
well, he figured it out eventually: "moving left/right not in safety". well, you're cool, mr. cop. i'm glad you stopped me before something horrible happened. meanwhile there are plenty of people out there driving intoxicated or running red lights, etc.
and honestly, i don't think i would care if the fine wasn't for $171. really? i'm barely able to afford groceries and you just charged me more than half my rent because i changed lanes? you're a horrible person.
and maybe it'd be okay if i was actually being unsafe. but i wasn't speeding, and i checked my blindspot, and i didn't cut anyone off. and don't tell me there was traffic, was 10:30 at night.
but i won't be anxious (phil 4:6), and i won't dwell on the fact that my parents will probably never let this go for the rest of my life. nope. i'll be okay. no thanks to you, mr. cop.

Love, krystal.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


there are times when being a girl is one of the most exhausting things in the world.
my thoughts go places my body is too tired to deal with, and the more i want them to go away, the more they seem to intensify.
and i'm done with all the emotions! it's like a roller coaster that never ends, and all i ever wanted was to float down the lazy river.
so, what do i remind myself of? "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it?" (jeremiah 17:9)
and it's so true. they are my OWN thoughts and emotions, and most of the time, i don't understand them. so i have to rely SOLELY on God. i have to give Him my thoughts and emotions, i have to let them go and trust that God knows me better than i know myself. and i KNOW that He does. i'm sure of it.

Love, krystal.

Monday, March 2, 2009

what's wrong with you, mr. bachelor?

this world is going to crap.
let me back it up a bit.
the bachelor picked his wife out tonight. it came down to two ladies: melissa and molly. don't ask me anything about them cuz i don't watch the show, but anyway the bachelor picked MELISSA. the last two minutes of the show consisted of extreme "happiness". there was a lot of twirling and kissing, several "i love you"s and just way too much cheesy-ness to bear.
my first thoughts were...this can't be real. there's no way this is gonna last more than a week. this bachelor just spent the last i don't know how many weeks making out and sweet-talking with like 25 women. he's been drowned in kindness and fake smiles from girls whose primarily goal was to convince him she's "the one".
almost as soon as i finish my pessimistic and completely valid thoughts, another show comes on..."the bachelor, after the final rose". huh, i think, this should be interesting...and if not, i'll just change the channel. HORRIBLE DECISION.
onto the show comes mr. bachelor, with a pathetically sad expression plastered all over his face. obviously, something is wrong. i then learn that this show has been taped six weeks after the bachelor's proposal. this is promising, i think. i'll get an immediate answer to my speculation that jason(the bachelor) and melissa's relationship has already gone down the tubes.
i was right.
but it gets worse. not only was jason coming on national television to tell his fiancee that he's not in love with her anymore and that he doesn't think the marriage is gonna work, he has the NERVE to invite molly to the show because he "hasn't been able to stop thinking about her". Molly, let me remind you, was the other woman---the one he let go in order to propose to melissa.
the worst part is that the show is twisted in a way that implies you should feel bad for jason. he's crying, repeating over and over that he can't control his feelings, saying crap like "it's not you, it's me". i felt like wringing his neck. especially when he said "i feel horrible for doing this to melissa, but i need to follow my heart". you FOOL! you are a lame excuse for a man. how can you bear to tell your fiancee that you want to ditch her for a chance with another woman? because you didn't realize you could "fall in love with 2 people at once"? i don't even know you, but i can't stand you.
and Molly. you took him back. you believed his every word. you're both fools.
it's people like you that convince me that this world is going to crap.


Love, krystal.