Saturday, December 27, 2008
today, i was sitting in the backyard, reading THE BOOK (if you know what i mean), and julio came up to me and started jumping into my lap. it was pretty annoying, he's pretty furry and he sheds a lot, and honestly, i was busy. but just a couple of minutes later i realized that in my life, i treat god a lot like i treat julio.
i realize that comparing the dog to god is pretty blasphemous, but stick with me here.
i like julio. i do. he's cute and he loves anyone who plays with him. but i don't ever go out of my way to be with him. in fact, today was the only the second time i had spent more than 5 minutes with him since i got here. and it's not like i haven't had time. i spend most of my day at home. and it's not like he disappears randomly---he never leaves. i just don't bother. but everytime i do, julio can't get enough of me. (i know, it's an awkward sentence). and i have a lot of fun too. it's as if i never rejected him. he's forgotten all the times i've screamed at him or pushed him off of me...he's even forgotten that i only see him twice a year. he loves me anyway. and he can't wait for me to just spend 10 minutes with him.
thanks, god. and sorry. again and again.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
1. my brother. let's say he's talking too much or is in an iffy mood...give him a little shake and ouila, he's happy, or at least quiet. perfect.
2. my watch. just shake it a bit and i have 10 extra minutes to sleep. of course, then i would run the risk of it taking away 10 minutes, but that's a risk i'd be willing to take.
3. my credit card. free money.
4. my favorite heels. a different color everytime.
5. my face....well, i guess it's self-explanatory by now.
p.s. my ipod's really cool. i think you should be jealous.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
that's right, you heard me. in my defense, it was at the request of my 3 yr. old cousin.
it surprised me how mature she was for her age. at one point, she pointed out chad, who was engaged to a blond (let's call her stacey). She knew stacey was engaged because she had a ring on her wedding finger. she even knew the term "fiance". i was very impressed.
the more astonishing part was the story playing out in her mind. she was sitting right next to me, but the dialogue was voiced to an audience of one...plus the dolls involved. however, i heard snippets of the conversation as she used a low voice for chad and a girly voice for stacey. as i listened i thought for sure i was not understanding, so i asked her to tell me what was going on. and here's the story she gave me:
stacey and chad are engaged, but their friend quit and doesn't want to have the wedding at her house so now they don't know what to do. (i then told her to just ask another friend to host the wedding, a suggestion she felt was appropriate...she continued) i just asked stacey and she decided that she wants to quit the wedding with chad so they're not getting married anymore. chad then talks to his mom who says he should find another girlfriend. chad finds ariel and tells her she's pretty, which will lead to a date, which will lead to ariel being chad's new girlfriend.
the girl is three. but already, she knows more about marriage and relationships than i knew in the 5th grade. and this leads me to the list for today:
facts about relationships- from the mind of a 3 yr old...
1. if a boy asks you on a date, that means he wants to be and will become your boyfriend.
2. a boy will only like you if you are pretty.
3. every boy gets all his advice from his mother.
4. friends are flaky.
5. it's not very difficult to just "get over it".
thanks, i really needed that.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
for those of you who don't know what this show entails, let me explain.
there are 2 chefs. one is always some famous challenger from europe or china or some other place with a long list of experience and expertise. this challenger then chooses from 1 of 3 iron chefs--more experienced chefs that work for the show and usually win the competition. this competition consists of a 60 minute showdown, where these two chefs battle to make several plates/entrees based on a main ingredient. in this particular show, the theme ingredient is piglet. anyway...after the 60 minutes are over, there is a panel of judges that decide which chef made the best combination of plates according to taste, presentation, and use of the main ingredient.
well, now you know....and honestly, you could have gone without reading the previous synopsis and survived just fine.
the iron chef, however, is not the reason i'm writing this post...although it is the inspiration. what i really want to address are reality shows.
i realize this can be a tiresome topic. i'm pretty sure i've heard just about everyone's opinion about said reality shows. "they're fake" "they're amazing" "i can't stand them" "i don't really care". well, i don't really care either. what i DO care about is, what show would i least want to be on? (and isn't that the most important issue of all?)
1. project runway. ugh. drama drama drama. and really...if i could just "make it work", i wouldn't be having any trouble finishing my crappy design, would i?
2. the bachelor/bachelorette. really? how can you expect to find the love of your life from 25 men/women who are all basically the same person? there's only a small percentage of the population that would even think of being on a reality show, and guess what, mr bachelor? they're all in your living room, ready to "win your heart" and steal your money.
3. amazing race. why risk ruining a perfectly good friendship or family relationship just to run all over the world doing ridiculous tasks and inevitably finding myself in morally iffy situations? i'd much rather grab my "partner" and run around the neighborhood, growing closer with meaningful conversation and funny jokes. cuz i don't care who you are...i WILL be annoyed with you very soon after starting this supposedly "amazing" race.
4. every other reality show. as much as i like other people making fools of themselves...i would die if it was me on that tv instead.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
there are leftovers to sort out. some that have been there since the creation of man, others just babies--in their first few hours.
there are food items to check. a cup of yogurt that's been expired for a month, or maybe a piece of cheese that no one realized existed. that is, until you discover that now, billions of particles of mold exist because of it.
there are spills to clean. little solidified puddles that you had told yourself you would clean 2 months ago, but never really intended to.
there's reorganization to be done, cuz you realize that you now have twice as much room and half the amount of food you used to think you had.
but the most important part of cleaning a fridge is imagining what you would be if you were an item in said fridge. having said this, i will now proceed to give you a list (wow, what a unique idea) of the top 3 items i would choose to be if i lived in a fridge.
1. MAYO. i know what you're thinking...gross, right? well. yes. it does sound pretty disgusting to want to be a large jar of fat. but you're thinking in human terms. cuz in frearth (the name i've designated for this fridge world), being the mayo is as good as it gets. first of all...you rarely spoil. 2nd...you last a long time because your owner (me) only uses you in small amounts for tuna or...tuna. 3rd...you live on the door, which means that every time the fridge door gets some action, so do you. hello, personal roller coaster. 4th...everyone knows that the mayo is one of the most intimidating items in frearth---only to be exceeded by the all powerful chipotle leftovers (but these only last about 1 day on average, so it's not really an issue).
2. MILK. although you rarely last very long, and expire very quickly, the short life you live is filled with excitement and love. you're like frearth's version of the latest fad. almost as soon as you hit the shelf, you're being emptied. you go from cereal bowl to coffee to mac 'n cheese to an oreo's sidekick to hot chocolate all in one day. no one can get enough of you. and then there's the glorious moment when you only have one more use in you and you get to witness the sadness in your owner's face at the sheer thought of running out. there's power in every last drop. your life has purpose, it's worth something.
3. CHIPOTLE LEFTOVERS. the mayo's afraid of you. enough said.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
on a path that's been beaten but no one walks
i've been looking for some answers but no one talks
i've done things i wish i couldn't remember
my God i need You to carry me
out of my prison and out of my chains
out of my burdens and into Your mercy
out of my worry and out of my pain
out of my fears and into Your mercy
out of my past and out of my shame
out of my mourning and into Your mercy
into Your mercy
i've got stains that nothing i try can get out
i've got hope but it's pulled by the weight of my doubt
but all my faults Your grace will never remember
my God i'm free and You carry me
You're the only one who is worthy to forgive
You're the only one who takes my end and then begins
You're the only one who can set this hostage free
my God i believe and You carry me
what an amazing God that forgets my mistakes and guides me in His eternal freedom. despite my doubt, despite my vain anxiety, despite me.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Harry: [after he has run into his ex-wife] She looked weird didn't she? She looked really weird.
Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.
Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.
Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.
hahaha. she had pretibial edema!
[Unable to guess what Sally is trying to draw during a round of Pictionary]
Jess: Draw SOMETHING resembling ANYTHING.
this entire scene was absolutely hilarious...i practically pee in my pants everytime. now...if you're my roommate, then you might hate jess and think he's a jerk, but really, he's just competitive and is frustrated at not being able to recognize the picture on the pictionary board. and i don't think he's a jerk.
Harry Burns: We're talking dream date compared to my horror. It started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. And I was making jokes, you know like, "Hey I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia? This will be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave." Yeah, nothing from her not even a smile.
i thought it was funny. i would have laughed, harry, don't worry.
Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
i'm definitely low maintenance. no question. :)
Harry Burns: Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you.
you have, unfortunately, harry, discovered one of the mysteries of women (or maybe just about me and sally), everything is about us.
Harry Burns: The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.
i WILL use this quote someday. i promise.
Harry Burns: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.
Sally Albright: What?
Harry Burns: I love you.
Sally Albright: How do you expect me to respond to this?
Harry Burns: How about, you love me too.
Sally Albright: How about, I'm leaving.
love. this. o harry, if only you were more attractive and closer to my age and in love with me instead.
Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
see previous comment. (by the way, if anyone watches scrubs, this is the speech that carla's brother gave to turk for the engagement/rehearsal party...i forget which...HILARIOUS.)
Sally Albright: You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
so i had a competency today---basically, i have to perform a health assessment in front of one of my nursing teachers. this health assessment consists of a long list of steps assessing various parts of the body and dictating as well as documenting a list of normal findings.
my goal for today was, and always has been, to memorize. memorize when to say what, and what to do when. it's pretty much all my brain can handle. so i did it. in fact, i would say that i was pretty confident going into the "exam"
we picked cards. i got to go first. great. i also got the part of the examination that i thought was the most difficult. great.
but it's fine, right...cuz i know what i'm doing.
that was, until the questions started. question after question of: what are you doing? why are you doing that? what would an abnormal result be indicitave of? why don't you know the answer?
finally, i couldn't speak. i couldn't answer her questions, i couldn't move, i couldn't think of what was next. my hands trembled from fear and anger and frustration and nervousness and bitterness and sadness. my eyes moistened, but i refused to let her see my tears.
everything i said she refuted. every word i uttered she hurled right back at my face.
finally it was over. i was dissapointed. she was smug. i felt incompetent, worthless, and completely speechless. i couldn't smile. i could barely move. and she couldn't have cared less. but i couldn't run away...i couldn't even protest.
she broke me. i let her break me.
for a while all i could see was failure.
i sat in my car and cried.
why did her words hurt me so much? why was i so easily destroyed?
sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words just broke my heart.
i feel a lot better now. i know i'm not worthless or incompetent, but i sure am weak. and maybe that's a good thing.
and i think i might understand Paul a little better now.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:9-10
Sunday, November 16, 2008
1. multi-colored walls: none of this boring neutral color stuff. there will be stripes, polka dots, rainbows...ok, well, maybe not rainbows, but yea.
2. a music room: with a piano, couple of guitars, karaoke machine...sounds amazing.
3. mood lighting. i.e. white christmas lights everywhere...or at least in the kitchen.
4. a library: stocked with books of every kind. from harry potter to c.s. lewis to dean koontz. plus, a bible in every version.
5. a huge bean bag that fits at least 5 people.
6. an extensive DVD collection composed mostly of romantic comedies and tv series.
7. abstract art. because it makes no sense and yet, you can't help staring at it. or maybe that's just me?
8. every appliance from the "as seen on TV" store. then everyone would be eternally jealous.
9. a pool with a diving board and a couple of slides. and a sauna.
10. a husband.
actually...i think i could do with just the last one.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
why don't i want to? i don't know. in fact, there are a lot of things about my mood at this very moment that i don't quite understand. i'm not sure if this is a girl thing or an everyone thing, or just a me thing, but sometimes i just get to this weird point where the things i'm feeling and the thoughts i'm having are completely whack. (ooo, i just looked at the clock and it's 11:11)
i feel desperation for no reason at all. i feel frustration, sadness, anger, apathy, empathy, confusion, BLAH.
and it's not like a "i hate myself, i hate the world, i want to die, i hate god" thing. it's not even close. it's just UNKNOWN. like there's this part of myself that i haven't yet discovered and it surfaces every once in a while, just to remind me that it's still there.
or maybe i've just been trying so hard and putting so much effort into my life recently that my brain and my body just decided it's done. or maybe it's just resting for a day or so.
maybe if i transcribe some parts of my internal dialogue i can figure out what's going on.
1: i don't know what to do with myself
2: you're sad
1: maybe i'll watch tv
2: you're happy
1: i'm hungry
2: you wanna dance
1: i'm tired
2: you should eat
1: i feel like crap
2: you have a test on friday
1: what's going on with my head?
2: Obama won
1: what is that?! where am i?!
2: it's late
nope. it didn't help. especially since i'm not even sure who 1 and 2 are.
whatevs. i need to study. but i don't want to.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
it was really great. i met a lot of cool people and patients.
i got to follow around a male ob/gyn and translate awkward questions and statements in english into awkward questions and statements in spanish (and vice versa)
but there was one patient that really got to me today.
she was 44 yrs. old and really wanted to have a baby. right before we walked in, the doctor read the labs. she was pre menopausal. her chances for pregnancy were practically nonexistent.
she was pretty. she sat in the tiny room, clutching her bag, waiting for an answer to her question. and then we told her.
it was quiet for a couple of seconds. her eyes were moist, but she refused to let a tear drop.
we kept talking for a while. discussing medical stuff, ignoring the pain.
she was hurting. but she had this peace. as much as the doctor repeated that her chances were low, she kept saying that God was in control. that He would do what He wanted.
i talked to her for a little while without the doctor in the room. her husband was her first love, she said. she'd waited for him. 40 years. she called him her "principe azul", saying that God had brought him to her.
and i looked at her, wanting to cry. then we prayed.
Monday, October 20, 2008
1. i hate blue ink. it messes up the organization and color scheme of just about every handout. black goes with everything...not blue. go away, blue pens.
2. i bite my nails. but not to the point where my nails are too short for my fingers. that actually freaks me out.
3. i like facial hair. on guys anyway. not too long though...in fact, not long at all. although...if you can't pull it off, don't bother.
4. i'm super indecisive. especially when it comes to shopping. i can spend a good hour and a half at the grocery store-- no sweat.
5. i LOVE keychains. i really don't know why. they're like little memories just jingling around with you everywhere you go.
6. i sleep on one side of the bed. i've shared a bed with my sister all my life, and even now that i have my own full-sized bed, i sleep on the right and i wake up in the same exact spot. i can't seem to bring myself to expand my horizons.
7. my first son's name will be malachi. (i understand there are a lot of things that have to happen before i make this decision...but if the time ever comes, i will not accept any other name option.)
8. broccoli is my favorite vegetable in the world. just ask my roommates.
9. i think spending money is overrated. why spend money if there are a million things you could do for free? or at least for cheap.
10. i like to talk to god outloud. it feels more like a real conversation...since that's actually what it is.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
1. Judge Judy's security guard...or whoever that guy is who always stands next to her... that guy has the easiest job ever. all he does is hand judy stuff and escort people out if judy says, and he's the only one who's safe from judy's nasty attitude. and he must make a lot of money---not that that's a huge factor, but, come on...the guy does NOTHING.
2. the person who organizes all the food in rachel ray's kitchen before she starts cooking. i bet i would get first dibs on all the food she makes during her show. and, i'd have SO much power.
3. a reader for audiobooks. i would get paid to read books out loud. and prolly a majority of the books will be quite good because there's expected demand for the book to be on tape/cd. plus, i will be responsible for determining what each character sounds like for all the millions of people who will inevitably decide to listen to me. again, power. apparently i love power. interesting.
4. the owner of a high end pet shop. because i think it's ridiculous when people buy extravagant items for a creature who doesn't clean itself after emptying their bowels. and i love to laugh. i'm sure i would have fun testing to see how far and insane people will go for their pets. would you buy doggy stilettos? i hope, for the sake of our friendship, that you wouldn't. however, if maybe we are not friends...you go ahead and buy those stilettos. i hope it's worth it.
5. housekeeping for crappy hotels in the ghetto. this is the job that i would least like in the world. (well, as far as i can imagine at this moment in time). if i ever come across a person with this particular job, first of all, i would give them a hug. (unless, of course, they were on the job...then i wouldn't touch them with a hundred foot pole). second, i would do all i could to extract as many crazy stories as i could. making sure to remain sensitive, of course. third of all, i would hand them a box of gloves and hand sanitizer, cuz i'm sure they could never have enough of those. lastly, i would cry.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
1. drive/ride a bike
2. sneak into an amusement park/movie theatre/any place that requires costly admission
3. eavesdrop on conversations about myself...or anyone else, for that matter
4. run around with less clothes on than socially acceptable (hey...wouldn't you?)
5. do the whole tap-a-person-on-the-opposite-shoulder thing
6. follow someone around for a day (preferably someone i kinda like---you can't be a stalker if no one can see you, right?)
7. whisper into someone's ear
8. walk around by myself at night
9. stare at people for extended periods of time
10. walk through every door that says "employees only"
and that is why God has wisely decided to deny me this request.
p.s. Think. what would you do?
Friday, October 3, 2008
i miss my brother. i live for the days that he calls...asking for advice on which classes to take, needing detailed clarification of what exactly happened on the last episode of Heroes. i long for the times when he opens the door just a crack and lets me peek into his teenage world-- even just a little. i feel like i've missed him grow up...and if i ever told him this, he would roll his eyes and tell me i'm exaggerating...but when i left he was still a boy...and now...he's a bigger boy.
i miss my sister. the girl has never let anyone in, but she can't help it. i want to be there when she's stuck at home, angry at the world and disappointed in the situation she finds herself in. i want to be there when she's rolling her eyes at me for telling her to clean up her mess, when she's crying out of desperation, and when she's acting like a maniac and making me laugh so hard i'm grateful for the nearby bathroom in our room. but that's just it. it's not ours anymore. it's just hers. and that hurts.
i miss my father. i want to be there for one of the biggest changes in his life. i want to be a daughter to a man who hasn't seen his family in a long time. i want to make a bigger impact on the man my dad is trying so hard to become. i want to matter. i want him to know that he matters.
i miss my mother. because i can't imagine how lonely she has been for the past two years. because her phonecalls are always filled with nothing but love and compassion, even through the pain. i want to be there when she feels hopeless and out of control. i want her to be there when i feel hopeless and out of control. i want to sing next to her in church. i want her to know that i love her...because for some reason, i just can't say it.
i want my family back.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
1. labor pains: i know they're not something i have to deal with anytime soon...but the thought of them gives me nightmares. although...can you imagine a world without labor pains...i bet there'd be a lot more people around. which, frankly, is not a very happy thought either.
2. wrinkles: not that i'm any more vain than the next person, but wrinkles lead to loose body parts, which lead to death. well...excessively loose arms and legs, etc, don't lead to death, but they imply oldness- which leads to death.
3. living alone: unless i get married right out of college...and the way things are going, that doesn't seem like a very likely circumstance (which is fine, i guess)...i will end up living alone. sleeping alone, in the dark, by myself, eating alone, by myself, cleaning alone, by myself, driving home to an empty space, alone. utterly by myself. Stop it. i'm freaking out.
4. leaving arizona: as much as i'm convinced of my departure, i'm just as convinced that i will miss this hellishly hot place miserably. i will have spent 4 years of my life here, and i can't imagine not being around all of these people that i've grown to love and cherish. and suddenly this post has taken a very serious turn.
5. tomorrow morning: friday morning classes at 0730 should not exist. i can already see myself waking up 30 minutes later than i anticipated, walking around aimlessly as i try, without much luck, to look decent for what i know will be 5 worthless hours of lecture filled with monotone voices and confusing material that will take me hours to figure out on my own.
but it will all happen anyway.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
this must be prefaced with a snippet of a conversation between myself and said mother yesterday: (any spanish has been translated for your convenience)
mami: i just can't tell you that...i don't really feel that it's appropriate (referring to my sister)
me: that's not fair mom, i don't even feel like i'm part of the family anymore
mami: don't say that.that's not it at....
me: mom, i have to go now.
me: yea, really. bye.
i know, harsh. to be completely honest, i really just felt like picking a fight that day, and my mother was in the wrong place at the wrong time. although, technically, i'm the one that put her there by calling.
anyway...afterwards, i felt really guilty. my mom is a wise woman, and she tells me everything, so if she chooses not to, it's for a reason.
so, today, i picked up the phone and called her again. she answered like she always does, like a mother who hasn't seen her daughter in years, and lives for every phone call, any sign that I'm still alive. (i don't actually go years without seeing my mother, but you wouldn't know it from the sound of her voice)
she sounds pleasantly surprised, not having expected the call, seeing as i don't usually talk to her as often as two days in a row.
so i tell her why i called...to mend our temporarily broken relationship...and she laughs. (of course, i didn't use those exact words, it was more along the lines of "don't you remember our conversation yesterday?")
the point is that she laughed. she went on to say that it was no big deal...she had already forgotten about it, and that she completely understood that i didn't have time to talk and that i was feeling left out, etc. then she changed the subject and asked me about my day. the conversation went on for a while, and no mention of our little argument ever came up again.
the whole time, i couldn't get over it. i couldn't understand how my mother could forgive me so easily and be completely okay with never bringing up the subject again. i could have called her a week later and she would still have greeted me with nothing but delight.
i love my mother.
and i think God was using her as a little reminder of who He is.
how many times have i wallowed in my mistakes, scared that God hasn't forgotten and that i'm still held accountable?
and yet, everytime i come before Him, my mistakes escape Him. He's just happy i'm there.
Monday, September 29, 2008
why is it the greatest movie known to man? let me count the ways.
1. mr. darcy: pretty much THE perfect man. silent, strong, handsome (not at first, though. he grows on you), humble, selfless, kind, great brother and leader, etc. i know you want me to continue...but i'm afraid i must move on.
2. long-sleeve dresses: because they're amazing.
3. mr. bennet: "good heavens. people." the guy is genius.
4. courtship: none of this dating nonsense. i love you, you love me, let's get married.
5. balls: everyone knows exactly what to do, no "dirty" dancing. just pure magic.
6. mr. collins: because every good movie needs a short, pathetic excuse for a man. no offense, mr collins...but surely you must realize that no one really likes you. not even your wife. (i know, harsh. but quite true)
7. gender roles: men hunt. women marry. it's just so marvelously simple.
8. the liz/darcy downpour scene: pouring rain-unexpected love proclamations-distraught men. where the feelings being expressed are not only illustrated through facial expressions and conversation, but also by the weather.
9. "You have bewitched me body and soul, and i love, i love, i love you": one of the greatest lines known to woman. unfortunately...it has only been pulled off succesfully once.
10. happy endings: because, though you've been told over and over again that no one lives happily ever after, you can't help but believe it anyway.
this extremely short list of wonderful attributes only begins to describe the glory that is Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 version, i'm sure you have already assumed).
all i have to say now pertain's only to you, mr darcy. when you inevitably come to the conclusion that the life you have is not the life you've always wanted, come find me. i'll be here...
A blog. Haha that’s funny. I mean, to me it’s funny…but then again I laugh at everything. All the rest of you bloggers out there, I’m not laughing at you. I promise. In fact, you are inspirations. Kind of.
Anyways. The reason it’s funny is cuz I’m the one writing it. I tried to start a diary several different times in my youth. (I don’t think I’m really qualified to refer to my “youth”, but whatever). So the diary. No success. I remember one day looking back at one of the only entries I’d ever written. The page was bleeding (ooh, great word) with anger and frustration—it even had some pretty offensive diction in it—and the topic was, well, my mom. My dear, beautiful mother. Needless to say, I tossed it out, shocked at my lack of understanding and outright wrong thinking processes.
So why am I starting a blog? I don’t know. It’s not like my life is super interesting or anything. I mean, it’s alright. I guess I just want to try it out. I could love it and do it for the rest of my life…or I could come back a couple of years from now and realize that I was completely confused. It doesn’t really matter.
So. I invite you into my head. Take it or leave it. I wouldn’t really know either way.