i should be studying right now, but i just don't want to.
why don't i want to? i don't know. in fact, there are a lot of things about my mood at this very moment that i don't quite understand. i'm not sure if this is a girl thing or an everyone thing, or just a me thing, but sometimes i just get to this weird point where the things i'm feeling and the thoughts i'm having are completely whack. (ooo, i just looked at the clock and it's 11:11)
i feel desperation for no reason at all. i feel frustration, sadness, anger, apathy, empathy, confusion, BLAH.
and it's not like a "i hate myself, i hate the world, i want to die, i hate god" thing. it's not even close. it's just UNKNOWN. like there's this part of myself that i haven't yet discovered and it surfaces every once in a while, just to remind me that it's still there.
or maybe i've just been trying so hard and putting so much effort into my life recently that my brain and my body just decided it's done. or maybe it's just resting for a day or so.
maybe if i transcribe some parts of my internal dialogue i can figure out what's going on.
1: i don't know what to do with myself
2: you're sad
1: maybe i'll watch tv
2: you're happy
1: i'm hungry
2: you wanna dance
1: i'm tired
2: you should eat
1: i feel like crap
2: you have a test on friday
1: what's going on with my head?
2: Obama won
1: what is that?! where am i?!
2: it's late
nope. it didn't help. especially since i'm not even sure who 1 and 2 are.
whatevs. i need to study. but i don't want to.