Tuesday, December 16, 2008

life on frearth

i cleaned the fridge today. it was a highly rewarding experience. although, if and when you decide to clean your own fridge, please know that it is not a small task...there are several things that need to be done.
there are leftovers to sort out. some that have been there since the creation of man, others just babies--in their first few hours.
there are food items to check. a cup of yogurt that's been expired for a month, or maybe a piece of cheese that no one realized existed. that is, until you discover that now, billions of particles of mold exist because of it.
there are spills to clean. little solidified puddles that you had told yourself you would clean 2 months ago, but never really intended to.
there's reorganization to be done, cuz you realize that you now have twice as much room and half the amount of food you used to think you had.

but the most important part of cleaning a fridge is imagining what you would be if you were an item in said fridge. having said this, i will now proceed to give you a list (wow, what a unique idea) of the top 3 items i would choose to be if i lived in a fridge.

1. MAYO. i know what you're thinking...gross, right? well. yes. it does sound pretty disgusting to want to be a large jar of fat. but you're thinking in human terms. cuz in frearth (the name i've designated for this fridge world), being the mayo is as good as it gets. first of all...you rarely spoil. 2nd...you last a long time because your owner (me) only uses you in small amounts for tuna or...tuna. 3rd...you live on the door, which means that every time the fridge door gets some action, so do you. hello, personal roller coaster. 4th...everyone knows that the mayo is one of the most intimidating items in frearth---only to be exceeded by the all powerful chipotle leftovers (but these only last about 1 day on average, so it's not really an issue).

2. MILK. although you rarely last very long, and expire very quickly, the short life you live is filled with excitement and love. you're like frearth's version of the latest fad. almost as soon as you hit the shelf, you're being emptied. you go from cereal bowl to coffee to mac 'n cheese to an oreo's sidekick to hot chocolate all in one day. no one can get enough of you. and then there's the glorious moment when you only have one more use in you and you get to witness the sadness in your owner's face at the sheer thought of running out. there's power in every last drop. your life has purpose, it's worth something.

3. CHIPOTLE LEFTOVERS. the mayo's afraid of you. enough said.

love, krystal


  1. WOW, I have decided you are officially one of my favorite people! Congratulations! lol. No but really, hahaha!