Monday, January 26, 2009

why, teacher, why?

is there a mysterious factory somewhere? some kind of hidden city in the middle of nowhere? just how does it happen that seemingly normal education majors somehow become incompetent teachers?
here's what i think.
it's called UNIVERSITY. (unifying non-ideal values entering real students in training yes) or something like that.
basically, every teacher is invited to attend. and they get paid to go. the more classes you take, the more often, the more money in your pocket. they have all sorts of classes and more are added everyday, so a teacher could attend throughout her career and never run out of options.
here's a list of some of the classes available.

TCH101: intro to powerpoint
the basics on how to create powerpoints with more text than is necessary for the test, but just enough to make every student stress about every word. you will also learn how to create bulleted points that are guaranteed to only make sense 40% of the time.

TCH102: intro to lecturing
an introduction to the art of useless lectures. focus on the 3 cardinal rules of public speaking: making the audience think they need to listen, using key phrases to scare non-listening audience members into thinking they missed something, and using cliff-hangers in order to ensure attendance to the next class.

TCH103: classroom fashion
how to dress for success. a teacher's guide to avoiding fashion trends. this class helps teachers stay unified in their lack of fashion savvy.

TCH 104: rhetoric
how to communicate ineffectively with students. focus on answering questions with more questions, answering specific questions vaguely, making simple ideas sound complicated, and making 20 minutes of content turn into a 2 hour class.

of course, there are some exceptions. there are some good teachers that don't waste their time here, they don't care enough about money and are basically good people. but these are few and far between. all of you good teachers out there, i applaude you. the rest of you, however, shame on you.

love, krystal.

1 comment:

  1. Haha It's funny cause it's true. Especially the powerpoint and the rhetoric classes. Except my teachers always take the slides that come with the book so you basically review WHAT YOU JUST READ, they have the exact pictures and everything, and then wonder "why am I coming to the class!?", and "why did I spend 80 bones on a book when I could just print out slides!?"